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Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)
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Item description for Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker & Mike Yorkey...
The challenge every man faces...the fight every man can win.
The challenge every man faces...the fight every man can win!
From movies and television, to print media and the Internet, men are constantly faced with the assault of sensual images. It is impossible to avoid such temptations... but, thankfully, not impossible to confront them and gain victory over them!
Millions have found Every Man’s Battle the single greatest resource for overcoming the struggle and remaining strong in the face of temptation. With extensive updates for a new generation, this phenomenal bestseller shares the stories of dozens who have escaped the trap of sexual immorality and presents a practical, detailed plan for any man who desires sexual integrity.
Includes a comprehensive workbook and a special section for women, designed to help them understand and support the men they love.
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Item Specifications...
Studio: WaterBrook Press
Pages 336
Dimensions: Length: 7.98" Width: 5.23" Height: 0.71"
Weight: 0.55 lbs.
Binding Softcover
Release Date Aug 18, 2009
Publisher WaterBrook Press
Series Every Man
ISBN 0307457974
ISBN13 9780307457974
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Availability 237 units.
Availability accurate as of Feb 09, 2012 06:29.
Usually ships within one to two business days from New Kensington, PA.
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Publishers description for Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)...
The challenge every man faces...the fight every man can win!
From movies and television, to print media and the Internet, men are constantly faced with the assault of sensual images. It is impossible to avoid such temptations... but, thankfully, not impossible to confront them and gain victory over them!
Millions have found Every Man’s Battle the single greatest resource for overcoming the struggle and remaining strong in the face of temptation. With extensive updates for a new generation, this phenomenal bestseller shares the stories of dozens who have escaped the trap of sexual immorality and presents a practical, detailed plan for any man who desires sexual integrity.
Includes a comprehensive workbook and a special section for women, designed to help them understand and support the men they love.
"There is no more common enemy of true manhood than the diversion or the perversion of our sexual capacities. I welcome every contribution to the arsenal of resistance."
-Jack W. Hayford, Litt.D., pastor of The Church on the Way and president of The King's Seminary
"The vulnerable, honest, and insightful pages of this book reveal what every
man must know."
-Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
"Clear, practical principles for sexual purity...a call for courage, commitment,
and self-discipline."
-Dr. John C. Maxwell, founder of The INJOY Group
"Read with an open heart, Every Man's Battle may save your marriage and your witness."
-Dr. Gary Rosberg, president of America's Family Coaches
author of Guard Your Heart and The Five Love Needs of Men and Women
Stephen Arterburn is coauthor of the best-selling Every Man series from WaterBrook Press. He is founder and chairman of New Life Clinics, host of the daily New Life Live! national radio program, creator of the Women of Faith Conferences, a nationally known speaker and licensed minister, and the author of more than forty books. He lives in Laguna Beach, California.
Fred Stoeker is coauthor of the best-selling Every Man Series. He is founder and chairman of Living True Ministries and a conference speaker who has counseled hundreds of men and married couples. Fred and his wife, Brenda, live near Des Moines, Iowa, with their four children.
Our Stories
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of
any kind of impurity” (Ephesians 5:3).
If there’s a single Bible verse that captures God’s standard for sexual purity, this is it. And it compels this question: In relation to God’s standard, is there even a hint of sexual impurity in your life?
For both of us, the answer to that question was yes.
FROM STEVE: COLLISION
In 1983 my wife, Sandy, and I celebrated our first anniversary. One sunsplashed Southern California morning that year, feeling good about life and our future, I hopped in our 1973 Mercedes 450SL–the car of my dreams, white with a black top. I’d owned it for just two months. I was tooling northbound through Malibu on my way to Oxnard, where I’d been asked to testify in a court hearing about whether a hospital should add an addiction treatment center. I always loved driving along the PCH, as locals called the Pacific Coast Highway. These four lanes of blacktop hugged the golden coastline and provided a close-up view of L.A.’s beach culture. With the top down and the wind blowing in my face, I found that summer morning a good day to be alive. I never intentionally set out to be girl-watching that day, but I spotted her about two hundred yards ahead and to the left. She was jogging toward me along the coastal sidewalk. From my sheepskin-covered leather seat, I found the view outstanding, even by California’s high standards. My eyes locked on to this goddesslike blonde, rivulets of sweat cascading down her tanned body as she ran at a purposeful pace. Her jogging outfit, if it could be called that in those days before sports bras and spandex, was actually a skimpy bikini. As she approached on my left, two tiny triangles of tie-dyed fabric struggled to contain her ample bosom.
I can’t tell you what her face looked like; nothing above the neckline registered with me that morning. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh as she passed on my left, and they continued to follow her lithe figure as she continued jogging southbound. Simply by lustful instinct, as if mesmerized by her gait, I turned my head further and further, craning my neck to capture every possible moment for my mental video camera.
Then blam!
I might still be marveling at this remarkable specimen of female athleticism
if my Mercedes hadn’t plowed into a Chevelle that had come to a complete stop in my lane. Fortunately, I was traveling only fifteen miles per hour in the stop-and-go traffic, but the mini-collision crumpled my front bumper and crinkled the hood. And the fellow I smacked into didn’t appreciate the considerable damage to his rear end. I got out of the car–embarrassed, humiliated, saturated with guilt, and unable to offer a satisfying explanation. No way would I tell this guy, “Well, if you’d seen what I saw, you’d understand.”
TEN MORE YEARS IN THE DARKNESS
Nor could I tell the truth to my beautiful wife, Sandy. That evening, I put my best spin on the morning’s unfortunate event in Malibu. “You see, Sandy it was stop-and-go, and I was reaching down to change the radio channel, and the next thing I knew I rammed into a Chevy. Lucky no one was hurt.”
Actually, my young marriage was hurt–because I was cheating Sandy out of my full devotion, though I didn’t know it at the time. Nor was I aware that although I’d vowed to commit my life to Sandy, I hadn’t totally committed my eyes to her. I continued in the darkness for another ten years before realizing I needed to make dramatic changes in the way I looked at women.
FROM FRED: WALL OF SEPERATION
It happened every Sunday morning during our church worship service. I’d look around and see other men with their eyes closed, freely and intensely worshiping the God of the universe. Myself? I sensed only a wall of separation between the Lord and me.
I just wasn’t right with God. As a new Christian, I imagined I just didn’t know God well enough yet. But nothing changed as time passed. When I mentioned to my wife, Brenda, that I felt vaguely unworthy of Him, she wasn’t the least bit surprised.
“Well, of course!” she exclaimed. “You’ve never felt worthy to your own father. Every preacher I’ve known says that a man’s relationship with his father tremendously impacts his relationship with his heavenly Father.”
“You could be right,” I allowed.
I hoped it was that simple. I mulled it over as I recalled my days of youth.
WHAT KIND OF MAN ARE YOU?
My father, handsome and tough, was a national wrestling champion in college and a bulldog in business. Aching to be like him, I began wrestling in junior high. But the best wrestlers are natural-born killers, and I didn’t have a wrestler’s heart. My dad was coaching wrestling at the time at the high school in our small town of Alburnett, Iowa. Though I was still in junior high, he wanted me to wrestle with the older guys, so he brought me to the high-school workouts.
One afternoon we were practicing escapes, and my partner was in the down position. While grappling on the mat, he suddenly needed to blow his nose. He straightened up, pulled his T-shirt to his nose, and violently emptied the contents onto the front of his shirt. We quickly returned to wrestling. As the up man, I was supposed to keep a tight grip on him. Reaching around his belly, my hand slid into his slimy T-shirt. Sickened, I
let him go.
Dad, seeing him escape so easily, dressed me down. “What kind of a man are you?” he roared. Staring hard at the mat, I realized that if I had a wrestler’s heart, I would have cranked down tightly and ridden out my opponent, maybe grinding his face into the mat in retaliation. But I hadn’t. I still wanted to please Dad, so I tried other sports. At one baseball game, after striking out, I remember hanging my head on the way back to the dugout. “Get your head up!” he hollered for all to hear. I was mortified. Then he wrote me a long letter detailing my every mistake.
Years later, after I’d married Brenda, my father felt she had too much control in our marriage. “Real men take charge of their households,” he said.
THE MONSTER
Now, as Brenda and I discussed my relationship with my dad, she suggested I might need counseling. “It surely couldn’t hurt,” she said. So I read some books and counseled with my pastor, and my feelings toward Dad improved. But I continued to feel that distance from God during the Sunday morning worship services. The true reason for that distance slowly dawned on me: There was a hint of sexual immorality in my life. There was a monster lurking about, and it surfaced each Sunday morning when I settled in my comfy La-Z-Boy and opened the Sunday morning newspaper. I would quickly find the department-store inserts and begin paging through the colored newsprint filled with models posing in bras and panties. Always smiling. Always available. I loved lingering over each ad insert. It’s wrong, I admitted, but it’s such a small thing. It was a far cry from Playboy, I told myself. I peered through the panties, fantasizing. Occasionally, a model reminded me of a girl I once knew, and my mind rekindled the memories of our times together. I rather enjoyed my Sunday mornings with the newspaper. As I examined myself more closely, I found I had more than a hint of sexual immorality. Even my sense of humor reflected it. Sometimes a person’s innocent phrase–even from our pastor–struck me with a double sexual meaning. I would chuckle, but I felt uneasy. Why do these double entendres come to my mind so easily? Should a Christian mind create them so nimbly? I remembered that the Bible said that such things shouldn’t even be mentioned among the saints. I’m worse…I even laugh at them! And my eyes? They were ravenous heat-seekers searching the horizon, locking on any target with sensual heat. Young mothers leaning over in shorts to pull children out of car seats. Soloists with silky shirts. Summer dresses with décolletage.
My mind, too, ran wherever it willed. This had begun in my childhood, when I found Playboy magazines under Dad’s bed. He also subscribed to From Sex to Sexty, a publication filled with jokes and comic strips with sexual themes. When Dad divorced Mom and moved to his “bachelor’s pad,” he hung a giant velvet nude in his living room, overlooking us as we played cards on my Sunday afternoon visits. Dad gave me a list of chores around his place when I was there. Once I came across a nude photo of his mistress. On another occasion I found an eight-inch ceramic dildo, which he obviously used in his kinky “sex games.”
HOPE FOR THE HOPELESS
All this sexual stuff churned deep inside me, destroying a purity that wouldn’t return for many years. Settling into college, I soon found myself drowning in pornography. I actually memorized the dates when my favorite soft-core porn magazines arrived at the local drugstore. I especially loved the “Girls Next Door” section of Gallery magazine, featuring pictures of nude girls taken by their boyfriends and submitted to the magazine. Far from home and without any Christian underpinnings, I descended by small steps into a sexual pit. The first time I had sexual intercourse, it was with a girl I knew I would marry. The next time, it was with a girl I thought I would marry. The time after that, it was with a good friend that I might learn to love. Then it was with a female I barely knew who simply wanted to see what sex was like. Eventually, I had sex with anyone at any
time.
After five years in California, I found myself with four “steady” girlfriends simultaneously. I was sleeping with three of them and was essentially engaged to marry two of them. None knew of the others. (These days, in my class for premarital couples, I often ask the women what they would think of a man with two fiancées. My favorite response: “He’s a hopeless pig!” And I was hopeless, living in a pigsty.)
Why do I share all this? First, so you’ll know that I understand what it’s like to be sexually ensnared in a deep pit. Second, I want to provide you with hope. As you’ll soon see, God worked with me and lifted me out of that pit. If there’s even a hint of sexual immorality in your life, He will work with you as well.
FORM FRED: KNOWING WHO TO CALL
Despite the deepening pit I occupied in my single days, I didn’t notice anything wrong with my life. Oh, sure, I attended church sporadically, and from time to time the pastor’s words penetrated my heart. But who was he? Besides, I loved my girlfriends. No one’s getting hurt, I reasoned. My dad had eventually remarried, and when I visited back home in Iowa, my stepmother occasionally dragged me across the river to the Moline Gospel Temple in Moline, Illinois. The gospel was clearly preached, but to me the whole scene was clearly ludicrous. I often laughed cynically. Those people are crazy!
After graduating from Stanford University with an honors degree in sociology, I decided to take a job in the San Francisco area as an investment advisor. One spring day in May, I stayed late at the office. Everyone else had gone home, leaving me alone with some troubling thoughts. I swiveled my chair around and propped my feet on the credenza to gaze into a typically grand California sunset.
That evening, as the sun dipped beneath the horizon, I suddenly saw in full clarity what I had become. What I saw was hopelessly ugly. Where once I was blind, now I could see. Instantly, I saw my deep, deep need for a Savior. Because of the Moline Gospel Temple, I knew Whom to call upon.
My prayer that day was born out of the simplicity of a certain heart: “Lord, I’m ready to work with You if You’re ready to work with me.” I stood up and walked out of the office, not yet fully realizing what I’d just done. But God knew, and it seemed as if all heaven moved into my life. Within two weeks I had a job back in Iowa and a new life ahead of me. And no girlfriends!
FEELING GOOD
Back in Iowa, I began attending a marriage class led by Joel Budd, the associate pastor of my new church. It wasn’t long before I realized that I knew nothing about treating women properly. Perhaps it was because my mom and dad were divorced, and I never saw a loving relationship modeled at home. More likely, however, it was because of my own selfishness and sexual sin. Everything I knew about women came from one-night stands and casual dating relationships.
I didn’t date during that year under Joel’s teaching. I might have been the only man in history to attend a married couples’ class for a whole year without even having so much as a single date! But just before the twelvemonth mark, I prayed this simple prayer: “Lord, I’ve been in this class for a year and have learned a lot about women, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen these things in real life. I’ve never really known any Christian girls. Please show me a woman who embodies these godly characteristics.” I wasn’t asking for a date, girlfriend, or spouse. I just wanted to see these teachings in practice, in real life, that I might understand them better. God did far more than that. One week later, He introduced me to my future wife, Brenda, and we fell in love.
Out of our commitment to Christ, Brenda and I decided to stay pure before marriage. She was a virgin–and I wished I were. We did kiss, however, and whoa! Our lip smacking was wonderful! It was my first experience of something I would later discover far more deeply: the physically gratifying payoff that comes from obedience to God’s sexual standards.
In a song made popular during my senior year in college, the singer mourned about trying to remember how it used to feel when a kiss was something special. The lyrics from the song resonated sadly with me because, at that point in my life, a kiss meant nothing to me. It was a joyless prerequisite on the path to intercourse. Something was deeply wrong. But now, having cut way back, in my experience with Brenda the simple kiss became thrilling again. To an old sex-hog like me, this was totally unexpected.
As God continued to work in my life, Brenda and I married, honeymooned in Colorado, then settled into a new apartment building on the edge of a cornfield in a Des Moines suburb. Is this heaven? I surely thought so. Time passed, and at first, I was feeling good. While I was once engaged to two women at the same time, I was now happily married to one woman. While I once drowned in pornography, since my wedding day I hadn’t purchased a pornographic magazine. Given my track record, this was remarkable.
STOPPING SHORT
I threw myself into my sales career and my leadership roles at church. Then I became a dad. I relished it all, and my Christian image shined brighter and brighter.
By worldly standards, I was doing great. Just one little problem. By God’s standard of sexual purity, I wasn’t even close to living His vision for marriage. Clearly I’d taken steps toward purity, but I was learning that God’s standards were higher than I’d ever imagined and that my Father had higher hopes for me than I had dreamed. It soon became clear that I’d stopped far short of holiness. There were the ad inserts, the double entendres, the heat-seeking eyes. My mind continued to daydream and fantasize over old girlfriends. These were more than a hint of sexual immorality.
I was paying the price, and the bills were piling up. First, I could never look God in the eye. I could never fully worship Him. Because I dreamed of being with other women, and rather enjoyed mentally recalling past sexual conquests, I knew I was a hypocrite, and I continued feeling distant from God.
People around me disagreed, saying, “Oh, come on! Nobody can control their eyes and mind, for heaven’s sakes! God loves you! It must be something else.” But I knew differently. My prayer life was feeble. Once my son was very sick and had to be rushed to the emergency room. Did I rush into prayer? No, I could only rush others to pray for me. “Have you called our pastor to pray?” I asked Brenda. “Have you called Ron? Have you called Red to pray?” I had no faith in my own prayers because of my sin.
My faith was weak in other ways as well. As a full-commission salesperson, if I lost a number of deals in a row to the competition, I could never be sure if those setbacks weren’t somehow caused by my sin. I had no peace. I was paying a price for my sin.
My marriage was suffering as well. Because of my sin, I couldn’t commit 100 percent to Brenda out of fear that she might dump me later. That cost Brenda in closeness. But that’s not all. Brenda told me she was experiencing frightening dreams in which she was being chased by Satan. Was my immorality causing spiritual protection to be taken away from her? My wife was paying a price.
At church, I was an empty suit. I came to church desperately needing ministry and forgiveness. I never arrived ready to minister to others. Of course my prayers were no more effective in God’s house than anywhere else. My church was paying a price.
I remember listening to one sermon in which the pastor talked about “generational sin”–patterns of sin passed from father to son (Exodus 34:7). Sitting in my pew, I recalled that my grandfather had run off from his wife in the middle of the Great Depression, leaving her with six kids to raise. My father left his family to pursue multiple sexual affairs. That same pattern had been passed to me, proven by my own multiple affairs in college. Though saved, I now found that I still didn’t have this purity issue settled in my life, and I was scared by the thought of passing this pattern on to my kids. My children could be paying a price.
I finally made the connection between my sexual immorality and my distance from God. I was paying hefty fines in every area of my life. Having eliminated the visible adulteries and pornography, I looked pure on the outside to everyone else. But to God, I’d stopped short. I’d merely found a middle ground, somewhere between paganism and obedience to God’s standard.
DESPERATION
God desired more for me. He had freed me from the pit, but I’d stopped moving toward Him. Having seen the prices I paid and my distance from God, I decided it was time to move closer. I expected the journey to be easy. After all, I had decided to eliminate pornography and affairs, and they were gone. I figured I could stop the rest of this sexual junk just as easily. But I couldn’t. Every week I said I wouldn’t look at those ad inserts, but every Sunday morning the striking photos compelled me. Every week I’d vow to avoid watching R-rated “sexy” movies when I traveled, but every week I’d fail, sweating out tough battles and always losing. Every time I gazed at some glistening jogger, I’d promise to never do it again. But I always did.
What I’d done was simply trade the pornography of Playboy and Gallery for the pornography of ad inserts and other magazine ads. The affairs? I’d simply traded the physical liaisons for mental affairs and daydreams– affairs of the eyes and heart. The sin remained because I’d never really changed, never rejected sexual sin, never escaped sexual slavery. I’d merely exchanged masters.
A couple of months slipped by, then a couple of years. The distance from God grew wider, the bills stacked higher, and my impurity still ruled me. My faith waned further with each failure. Each desperate loss caused more desperation. While I could always say no, I could never mean no. Something was gripping me, something relentless, something mean. Like Steve, I eventually found total freedom. Since then, both Steve and I have had the chance to talk to men ensnared in sensual pits. Trapped and desperate to be free, their stories grip the heart. Now that you’ve heard my story, maybe you’ll relate to the men in these next few pages as well. |
More About Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker & Mike Yorkey
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Reviews - What do customers think about Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)?
 | great book Jan 23, 2009 |
My husband is in the ministry and this book is a great resource - we have given it to other men that struggle in this area of their lives.
| | |  | Good practical advice without Biblical insight Jan 17, 2009 |
EMB is filled with helpful practical advice for getting rid of adulterous behavior. For this I agree with Jack Hayford's review, "I welcome every contribution to the arsenal of resistance." However, the book is missing a basic understanding of the gospel, specifically, the book does not explain how to "put to death the deeds of the body" (Rom. 8:13) or how to achieve holiness and right standing before God. These are serious problems that unfortunately do more harm than good.
EMB suggests a "Battle Plan" that includes three perimeters of defense:
* With your eyes (train your eyes to "bounce" from objects of lust)
Summarized on pg. 125
* With your mind (train your mind to take thoughts captive, that is, police lustful thoughts before they rise to consciousness)
Summarized on pg. 154
* With your heart (cherish, protect, honor your wife)
The first two "perimeters" are designed to "starve the attractions." This explains EMB's definition of sexual purity: "You are sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife."
EMB is filled with common-sense advice, such as:
* Don't stare at female joggers
* Get an accountability partner
* Don't fantasize about old girlfriends
* If you call your buddy, but he's not home and his wife answers, get off the phone quickly.
This is all good, common sense advice. And these disciplines are effective in changing our behaviors and appetites. The problem: this advice can be followed by any non-Christian, which betrays the fact that none of this is Biblical yet. These disciplines do not kill sin, they only change our behaviors. Colossians 3:5 "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you." A biblical approach to sexual sin would explain not only how to change behavior, but how to go after the root of that behavior, our indwelling sin.
In contrast, the puritan John Owen, in his book Overcoming Sin and Temptation, says, "Be killing sin or sin will be killing you." Owen doesn't spend any time in his book on behavior changes. Instead, he explains how the "cross-work of Christ" (the gospel) and the Holy Spirit are all the tools we need for holiness.
Fundamental differences between EMB and Owen:
EMB defines sin as something that makes me feel bad, dirty, embarrassed. The assumption is that the feeling of guilt is bad, and this guilt can be overcome by disciplined right living. The Holy Spirit is seen as a force that makes the disciplines stick. Owen defines sin more biblically, as rebellion against a holy God. Powerful feelings of guilt are good because they lead us to the cross where we find serious, substantive help for killing sin.
EMB defines sin as something that can be overcome with disciplines, primarily "starving the eyes" and refusing to fantasize about women who are not my wife. Many other disciplines are recommended to bolster these good habits. The thinking is, If I'm not looking at porn, then I have overcome sin. Owen defines sin as the power of the flesh at war within us, which cannot be killed by a discipline. Only the cross-work of Christ and the Holy Spirit can kill it. For example, when I unplug a toaster, I've denied power to the toaster, but the power is still there. I haven't killed the power, I've simply denied it an opportunity (illustration, I think, from Kris Lundgaard). In regard to lust, if I simply "starve my eyes" as EMB teaches, then the sin of lust has not been killed; my indwelling sin will find another outlet. The reason is because sin is an evil power within me. Owen says, "[A Christian] never thinks his lust is dead because it is quiet, but labors still to give it new wounds, new blows every day" (pg. 77).
EMB defines purity as, stated negatively: not gawking at ladies' boobs, not thinking about adultery; stated positively: cherishing and honoring my wife. By this definition, any non-Christian can be pure. Any non-Christian can be self-disciplined so that he overcomes alcoholism, wife beating, depression - an unbeliever can change any action or thought process. But this is not the killing of sin that the Bible commands. Owen defines purity as holiness, which has more to do with my heart. EMB does not explain how to purify the heart, only how to discipline my behaviors. As such, EMB will give lust a good beating, but leave it alive within me.
EMB sees a changed lifestyle (in this case, a life of sexual purity) as worthy of God. The thinking goes, My sinful thoughts, words and deeds create distance in my relationship with God; if I can stop thinking, saying and doing these sinful things, God and I will be close. Owen considers himself a "poor, weak creature...as parched ground...deceived...lost...(pg. 132)." Owen never considers himself worthy, but he considers himself to be graciously loved. "He can take my drooping, dying soul and make me more than a conqueror."
For example, one of the EMB authors describes his experience of six weeks of "cold turkey" from indulging in sexual sights and thoughts (they say it takes about six weeks to get pure). Toward the end of these six weeks the author had a powerful sexual dream in which he chose purity. When he awoke (Sunday morning) he realized that this was a remarkable turning point in his life; his dreams had always been adulterous. The result: "I worshipped freely all service long for the first time....For someone who had felt such distance from God for so long, the feeling was glorious" (pg. 110).
This guy had cleaned himself up for God. His addiction to porn made him feel dirty. He got rid of the porn so that he didn't feel like a hypocrite anymore. He made himself worthy of God. Owen would call this "...a deep-rooted unacquaintedness with the power of God and mystery of the gospel" (pg. 59). "Mortification from a self-strength, carried on by ways of self-invention, unto the end of a self-righteousness, is the soul and substance of all false religion in the world."
In reality, there isn't any way to stand before God feeling sinless. But as sinners before a holy God we can feel forgiven because of what Jesus did on the cross in our place.
So - two main problems with EMB. The gospel is not used to kill sin, and the gospel is not used for purity. This creates the false idea that I've got to get myself cleaned up in order to "worship freely" and earn God's approval. The book is filled with helpful advice, but since this advice doesn't address the most central issues of overcoming sin and temptation, I would have to disagree with Hayford and suggest the book be avoided.
Instead, these books are practical and Biblical: The Pursuit of Holiness, The Enemy Within: Straight Talk About the Power and Defeat of Sin, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave : Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel (Resources for Changing Lives), How People Change, or, if you have the patience to read an old classic, Overcoming Sin and Temptation.
| | | | Every Man's Battle- Excellent! Jan 14, 2009 |
| This book was a pleasure to read. It is strait forward and doesn't beat around the bush. It was recommended to me as part of a pre-marital counseling program. As I have progressed through the book, the author made a strong case for us to raise our standards of sexual purity to the standard found in God's Word. The author does not lower God's standard to make people feel better. He provides the physiological basis for why men often struggle as well as practical advice for how to live a life without a hint of sexual impurity. I would recommend this book to anyone, regardless if you believe you have a problem. | | | | With this book, you may win the battle, but you'll probably lose the war Dec 6, 2008 |
When I first read "Every Man's Battle", I had struggled with lust for a long time, and I thought I'd finally found a book that would help. In fact, I initially thought it HAD helped. But the more I put its advice into practice, the worse things got.
The title--"every man's battle"--is wrong. It doesn't have to be every man's battle, and there are many men who don't struggle with this issue at all. (Not that anyone is above temptation, but I can testify that true freedom can be found without having an epic war with yourself every day.)
I give this book two stars because I really appreciate how honest it is with many men's struggles. I think openness like this is needed if we are ever going to combat the problem of sexual impurity within the church. However, the methods this book recommends have many faulty presuppositions underlying them, and they will lead you astray.
One of the key verses in this book is Job 31:1--"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." From this, the authors recommend the technique of "bouncing the eyes". In other words, whenever you find yourself noticing a woman's breasts, bounce the eyes. If you notice her hips, bounce the eys. Of if you notice her pretty face, bounce the eyes! I went through this book in a men's group at church. Initially, all the men seemed to find this technique helpful. But after a while, it really didn't work in rooting out lust. It became a chore that you had to constantly be on the alert, and I think it generally led to a fear of women, that their attractiveness could bring you to your knees in the slightest moment of weakness. Job 31:1 doesn't say, "I made a covenant not to look at all at a girl," but "I made a covenant not to look LUSTFULLY at a girl." There's a big difference.
This book really fails to address the heart issue, and the beliefs behind those lustful looks. Oh, it emphasizes how bad lust and sexual impurity are. But it really doesn't offer any long-term solutions, aside from making you feel guilty about it. I finally found freedom in a little-known book entitled The Life That Wins by the Chinese evangelist, Watchman Nee. Rather than relying on your own works and eye-bouncing techniques, this book deals with sin as a whole--not just lust, but covetousness, envy, sinful anger, etc. God's solution to all sin is the cross. Negatively, the cross deals with sin, and positively, Christ is our righteousness. This book will take you through the steps to allow Christ to manifest Himself through you, so that "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Gal. 2:20). Then we know Christ as our righteousness (1 Cor. 1:30).
After I began to experience real freedom, I realized that the whole attitude toward women in "Every Man's Battle" is unbiblical and ultimately destructive. The world says, "Women are an object of lust--indulge!" "Every Man's Battle" says, "Women are an ojbect of lust--supress!" How about viewing women as something better? How about viewing them as being created in God's image, deserving honor and respect?
Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are *PURE*, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." This book only teaches you NOT to meditate on the bad things, but it gives you nothing good to replace it with. I've realized that it's okay to notice a woman's breasts or her gentle hands or her beautiful smile. But look at them in purity. God created every woman and every part of her, and He declared that His creation was "very good" (Gen. 1:31). As Scripture says, meditate on this goodness. Eventually, you will see that ALL women are beautiful creations--not just the size 0 models with which the media bombards us.
I think most Christians define PURITY as "not lusting". Unfortunately, it's pretty difficult to meditate on that which is pure when it's a big negative. Thankfully, there is a positive aspect of purity--appreciating God's creation for the good thing it is. Look at all people as being "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psa. 139:14), appreciating them for who they are. If you want to make a covenant with your eyes, don't stop at "not looking lustfully", but go even further to look in absolute purity.
If you struggle with lust and sexual impurity (or any other sin), I highly recommend The Life That Wins. I also recommend dropping the works-based rituals in "Every Man's Battle" which will only bring you into bondage. Meditate on the goodness of God's creation, looking at all people with complete purity and holiness, and see if that doesn't bring you much greater freedom. | | | | Young to Old Oct 3, 2008 |
I read Every Young Man's Battle and I wanted to get a deeper perspective, so I read this book. I must say it is a deeper perspective and has an interesting way of showing how bad sexual behavior affects everyone around you.
Sulia Mason III, Abubakarr | | | Write your own review about Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)
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